funny sayings

“A good story is like a miniskirt- long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep some interest.”

“I’m sweating like a whore in church.”

“That girl looks like she could suck a golf ball out of a hose pipe.”

“Come hell or high water…”

“Nothing is open past midnight besides legs and bars.”

I kind of had the worst weekend, so I wanted to share some of these funny little sayings. Some of them are mine, some of them are my family’s, and some of them are my friends’.

Can you tell I learned the third one from my older brother’s old fraternity brothers? I can.






reads iv

This marks edition four of my little series, ‘reads’, in which I recap the best and brightest from all sorts of sites and publications. Catch edition one, two, and three while you’re at it.

Domaine’s 24 Things to Do on a Plane went straight to my bookmarks.

Here’s the apartment Jackie Kennedy briefly grew up in. It’s on Park Avenue in one of the best spots in the city. Although it’s restored, it’s not exactly as it was when the Bouviers lived there. The art of the current owner is amazing, though. Unfortunately, it wasn’t in Jackie, which still was an excellent movie.

I love The Wolf of Wall Street. I’ve seen it at least four times and until the ending where he (rightfully) falls from glory, am enthralled every time. If you like it too, maybe you’ll find this article about fact vs. fiction in the movie as cool as I did.

Elle’s sixty best home decorating ideas of all time. Iconic.

Thought Catalog is hit or miss for me. Sometimes I feel like they hire writers from the dredges of the Earth, and the grammar and spelling can be atrocious. But, occasionally, I find a gem, like I did like this piece, “If You Were Looking for God.” I’m not religious, but I found it interesting and beautifully written.

If you haven’t read the Bush sisters’ letter to the Obama daughters, I encourage you to. It is fun and older sisterly advice without being cliche. Two of, in my opinion, the most elegant families to ever grace the White House is a nice thing to see today when politics seems so ugly.

2017 goal: be light. 






Over the weekend, I saw Jackie with my mother. It was a riveting hour and a half and I’m sure it’ll be one of my favorite movies of the year.

I’ve been interested in the Kennedys and their political involvement from the first time I learned about JFK in depth in an American history class in middle school. So, I was already interested in seeing it. Finding out Natalie Portman starred and reading reviews that it was unlike any other work on the iconic couple sold me even more.

It was intimate. That’s the first word that came to mind. The movie begins with an interview at the Hyannis Kennedy Compound and flashes back to the hours and days following President Kennedy’s assassination. Of course, it features all of the most well-known events, items, and people in that traumatic time- the pink Chanel suit, Clint Hill, the burial, the killing of Lee Harvey Oswald.

But it also takes an introspective, natural look into some of the First Lady’s more personal moments, like her relationships with LBJ and Bobby, interactions with her children, knowledge of her husband’s affairs, loss of faith, and distress over the fact that her husband didn’t die for civil rights or something else considered equally important. She grieves his existence and protection as much as she does his legacy, which she struggles with trying to cultivate through his burial, funeral, and post-mortem press throughout the movie.

The costuming and sets are amazing yet not overshadowing of Natalie’s performance, and the rest of the cast is tremendous. I was teary at a few points, like the contrast of JFK’s crisp flag against Jackie’s billowing black veil as his mourners circle around, and beyond inspired through the entire thing. Jackie’s grace, poise, and protection of her family’s reputation and image is awe-inducing.

Go see Jackie. You won’t regret it.



new year’s eve breakdown

Last night was the most fun I’ve had in a while. I deserve it, since my previous New Year’s Eves have sucked. Instead of writing a thesis paper detailing the night’s tumultuous events, I’ll list. I also have some compulsive desires right now.

I took various L’s last night. I’m okay with it, kind of. They fit into the pattern of my life being a never ending joke. But at least they make good blog fodder!

  • I lost not one, but TWO forms of ID.
  • I told my brother that I’m in love with a guy.
  • I drunk texted in almost every recent conversation I’ve had.
  • I kissed the wrong guy at midnight because he told me we “had to hook up since I bought you drinks” (gag) and I didn’t want to be alone.
  • MY EX WALKED IN ON ME PEEING. Well, not peeing, I was just snapping my bodysuit back together, but still. So bad.

Of course, I did have a few accomplishments. I went over to DJ’s house today and met up with my cousin and I was so proud telling them some of these things.

  • I got into the venue.
  • I managed to not fall down the stairs everyone fell down.
  • I did not buy a single one of my own drinks.
  • I took all of my makeup off and put my retainers on AND left a bin next to my bed just in case before I went to sleep.
  • I looked super hot, not going to lie.
  • I drank water before bed.
  • I didn’t get a single battle scar. I’m immune to getting them, and, honestly, it’s a gift.

Naturally, I woke up with anxiety and the shakes, smelling like an ashtray and the guy I was with. These are the days.



gilmore girls

I mentioned after That ’70s Show and Friday Night Lights that I started a new show.

And that show, praytell, is GILMORE GIRLS!

Basic, yes. But a drag, no. I thought I’d hate the cute mother-daughter dynamic and kitschy town but I actually really love it. It’s a feel good show that’s easy to watch.

Right now, I’m on season three, so please don’t spoil anything. And, speaking of spoilers, there are some below. Read with caution.

So far, I love Emily, Rory, Richard, Christopher, Luke, Jess, Madeline, Louise, Paris, Lane, and Miss Patty.

I didn’t/don’t love Dean, Max, Taylor, Sookie, Tristan, Mrs. Kim, and Kirk.

I love the small town dynamic. Everyone knows everyone, which reminds me of the town I grew up in.

Season one was great. Season two I loved just as much, but the ending- fuck you, Christopher- killed me. Season three has been a little slower for me, but I die for the Jess vs. Dean rivalry. And, yes, I’m Team Jess. In my opinion, Dean is the guy Rory thinks she should date. She’s combining everyone’s expectations into one six-foot-something teenager. He also is too small town for her, especially considering her college and career aspirations. Jess, on the other hand, actually shares interests with her. They both read, mercilessly mock their parents and or guardians, and have an itch to leave Stars Hollow.

I have a few questions, though:

  1. How has Rory not gone any farther than make out with Dean or Jess? I know Dean’s innocent and possibly gay, but it seems unrealistic.
  2. How are Lorelai and Rory so thin after eating ice cream, pancakes, and burgers 24/7?
  3. Why is everything with



christmas confessions

I absolutely love Christmas. But it’s a lot. Come December 26th, or, actually, nine p.m. on December 25th, I’m ready for a break.

This season has had me incredibly busy and doing some weird stuff to keep a facade of perfect red and green happiness up. These are my Christmas themed confessions:

I hate elves. I think the concept of an elf, a tiny person with an adult voice and a job and pointy ears, is so fucking weird and creepy. Unfortunately, Polar Express and their old man-looking elves did this for me. Other than that, it’s a great movie.

Traditions are the best thing ever. But, as I mentioned yesterday, we’re thinking of maybe going West next year to change things up. I hate to say it, but family things are getting a little stale.

Christmas church makes me want to die. I hate that everyone who literally only comes on Christmas and Easter is there and it’s packed. I hate that there are always like eight screaming children per row. I would much rather skip.

I also think that ugly sweater parties are overdone. They were funny the first two years people did them, but now I think it’s beating a dead horse. If I were invited to one with a really fun crowd, though, of course I’d go. It’s just not my favorite.

You might not know that I absolutely hate surprises. I know, it’s really weird. But it means that I can’t deal with opening presents on Christmas morning. Naturally, I snooped and found over half of my gifts before they were wrapped 🙂



P.S. Read my other confession here. It’s a weird one, maybe moreso than this one.


merry christmas

Just like last year, I want to pop in and say Merry Christmas to you and yours. It’s been a whirlwind of a December, but I made it through. As of two days ago, I was missing presents for all of my immediate family members and had wrapped nothing. A few late nights sitting alone on my living room floor with bows, glitter, ribbon, and paper solved all of that.

Last night was Christmas Eve with my dad’s family. I still love it after fifteen plus years of the same exact thing. At ten this morning, we had cinnamon buns, coffee, and mimosas, and opened presents with just us. It was laid back and perfect before we see my mom’s side of the family today.

This year is going to bring so much change. I’m moving out, my brother’s most likely moving to Texas, and who knows what will happen with my parents. Even though it seems like we might need to cling to the traditions more than ever, we all have this weird urge to do something different.

So maybe Christmas 2017 in Vail, Asheville, Denver, or Charleston? We’ll see.

Happy holidays from me to you. And Karl.