that face you make when… iv

Ever since the original, I have fallen in love with writing these. They’re just how I like posts to be: funny, relatable, and a little tongue-in-cheek.

This time around, I was inspired by the stunning foxes of Hollywood known as Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler. By the way, Phil in The Hangover is definitely a must-do on the boy bucket list. I digress.

Bradley and Gerard, this is that face you make when…

your boss announces a day off.

you wake up sans hangover, dignity intact.

a hot guy compliments you in public.

your Bagel Bites come out perfectly toasted.

Drake releases his new album.

Frank Ocean releases his new album. (Frank, it’s November. Get it together.)

someone calls out Carly for being an annoying biotch.

a hoe is brilliantly and masterfully exposed on Twitter.

the picture you’ve been thinking about taking for weeks turns out good and you finally  have a good Instagram.

Read i, ii, and iii.




secret santa ideas under $10

This year, all of a sudden, I found myself in two Secret Santas. For a fairly antisocial person, I consider that a lot. Add that to the fact that gifts will take out of my wine budget, and it is a lot to handle.

Despite those two statements, I really do love giving gifts. Nothing is more exciting than watching someone you love open something they’re excited about.

Since most Secret Santas operate on a relatively low price limit, I decided to document my best ideas for those work, school, or group chat Secret Santa exchanges we all know and love.

Under $10:


Kate Spade New York Small Notepad: While not everyone loves Kate Spade, the New York line is a little more doable, even for those of us who prefer neutrals. This is cute and we all need an extra notepad. ($8.00 here)

Lord and Taylor Ornament: ‘Tis the season, no? Everyone can enjoy this, and it’s pretty timeless. It’s not even too hobby or color scheme specific, so it’d work on a variety of trees. ($7.00 here)

Sharper Image Mason Jar Cocktail Shaker: I kind of want this for myself. Bitches love Mason jars, myself included, and bitches also love cocktails. Win-win. ($8.00 here)

Clinique Mini Mask Set: I actually bought this for myself as a Christmas gift, and, although I have not tried it yet, can vouch for Clinique products as a whole. This is for the girly-girl in your life. ($9.50 here)

Wild and Wolf ‘Scrabble’ Mug: Monogramming gives the illusion that you put way more effort in than you actually did, which is always a power move. Stuff it with festive tea or lip glosses, and add confetti. ($10.00 here)

Hopefully, this will help you more than the “Gift Guides for *omg* EVERYONE in your life!” that I’ve been seeing around. No, I don’t want nor am I able to purchase my Secret Santa a pair of $450 slippers or a $54 cashmere scarf, even though it’s SO versatile.

My friends and I were just assigned our Secret Santa today, and I already know who five girls have. Maybe, like, just once we could all keep our mouths shut?

Actually, no, I wouldn’t change a thing.



happy thanksgiving

I wouldn’t have wanted to spend today any other way than feasting on my mother’s cooking, falling asleep on the couch with my sweet grandmother, and making fun of how drunk my other grandmother was.

As much as I do make fun of and complain about my life on instantblonde, I just want to acknowledge that I’m so grateful for all the amazing people in my life, things that I have, and opportunities I’ve been given. And, of course, for you. Thanks for reading my ramblings for, like, a quarter of a year.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours… hope your day was filled with festive cocktails and great food.



way back wednesday-song edition ii

Before I delve into this, let me just say THANK YOU for bearing with me for one hundred whole posts! I love instantblonde and you all more than you know. Also, thank you for bearing with me yesterday, when I’m sure the more serious tone was a lot different.

But, back to regularly scheduled programming, I had a lot of fun writing my last way back wednesday- song edition, so I’m back with part ii. Again, a lot of these can become strong players in your classic pregame playlist, or they can compose a separate #wbw playlist on their own. In no particular order, the second installment of my favorite throwback jams:

  • Temperature//Sean Paul: Despite my theory that all men that go by two first names are dirtbags, he churned out a winner with this catchy classic. It works for anything from weddings to house parties.
  • SOS//Rihanna: RiRi just announced that she’s coming to my city, and I couldn’t be more excited. If she doesn’t play this, I’m asking for a refund, though.
  • Beautiful Girls//Sean Kingston: The time period in which I had this on repeat coincided with the time period in which I wore crop tops and ripped jeans, together, a lot. Glad the song emerged, though.
  • DONTTRUSTME//3OH!3: If you didn’t know all the words to this song at a particularly slutty phase in your life, we simply cannot be friends.
  • Kiss Me Thru The Phone//Soulja Boy: When this song came out, Soulja Boy had just been hired for a gig at my brother’s fraternity, and I begged my parents to let me go… and almost got them to.

Hope you enjoy this eclectic list, or, at least, can round out your throwback playlist on Spotify enough, as much as I do.



thank you

It only feels right today to take a break from my usual routine of frivolous but fun makeup and holiday posts and take a second to be grateful.

On Saturday, a family friend’s mom passed away. She was forty-nine, and left four children. Her youngest was only thirteen. As much as I like to keep things light, I couldn’t go on without acknowledging this wonderful woman and how much I want her children to be okay. My heart is truly broken for her kids.

She fought the good fight. Cancer is an awful evil that takes way too many. I’ve heard that only the good die young, and it’s true here too: this woman was a loyal wife, a faithful member of her respective church and community, and a mom to many, many more than her own.

Thank you, Mrs. B, for all the snacks at sports games and birthday parties you and your beautiful children invited me to. Thank you for cheering me on when my parents couldn’t come and showing me how to be a lady, even in ninety degree heat. I can only hope that one day I’ll be as good of a mom as you were.

It makes me think of my mother. Considering the problems we do have and the fact that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive her, I am grateful for my mother. Thank you for praying for me no matter how many weeks I let slip in between calling you or hoping for the best for me even when our relationship is hanging on by a thread.









how to organize randoms

I wish I could write how to organize: your life but, truthfully, I haven’t even begun to figure it out for myself. Instead, I have mastered a few simple tricks to getting your belongings in order. I’ve found that sorting and organizing the smallest, most overlooked items like the below have an incredible impact on my day-to-day.

  • Inbox. Chances are, you look at your inbox daily, or maybe even hourly. Setting aside time for this will make all the difference. The key? Delete, delete, delete, and sort remaining into folders.
  • Bathroom Drawers: This seems like a given, but I use the spaces I wake up and come home to most harshly. Taking time to clean them up will make a difference.
  • Socks: I never realized how annoying my sock drawer was until recently. I have an array of socks, tights, and sock liners, and a few Target dollar store bins solved the problem.
  • Nightstand: My nightstand continually collects piles of mail, jewelry, beauty products, and other things. It’s literally one of the last things you look at at night, so keep it neat.
  • Text Inbox: Screenshot anything juicy and save it, but let go of the rest. Plus, very few things are more therapeutic than finally deleting your ex’s texts.
  • Desktop: Also applying to downloads, this takes up valuable storage and is visually distracting. No, I don’t need the fifth toffee bar recipe I’ve saved off of Pinterest anymore.
  • Music: Whether you’re on Spotify, iTunes, or Apple Music (lucky bitch), getting rid of songs you don’t listen to and putting the rest into playlists or categories helps.
  • Notes: Both on my laptop and my phone, clearing out the notes app not only frees up storage but helps me take care of annoying, menial tasks and filing information and passwords.
  • That One Pile of Clothes That’s Been on Your Dresser for 5 Months: Just take care of it, for God’s sake.




It seems like my friends and I are always searching for a dress for something, no matter the time of year or occasion. We’ve compiled a pretty solid list of stores and local spots for great dresses of all price ranges, but one has been reappearing in our wardrobes: tobi.

This online shopping mecca is based in California and has highly mixed reviews from several of my friends. Some love it and say the prices and styles are spot on, while others claim that the quality is poor and sizing is off.

Where do I fall? Having never shopped there before, I don’t know. I might just be wearing one of their dresses borrowed from my cousin (hi, JL) to a legendary charity event that I’m going to on December 4. It’s the pictured, but imagine it on me sans tacky hair and neon lipstick.

[via, $68]
Though I don’t know if I’d order anything from them in the near future, here are a few things I’ve added to my cart…

[via, $68]
I love the twist on the traditional shearling vest with the black color.


[via, $50]
Picture this with cognac wedges and a gold Rebecca Minkoff for a fun alternative to something to wear out.

[via, $44]
The leather and asymmetrical hem is different, and it also comes in camel.

So, Tobi: yes or no?