shopping & feeling

Since a young age, I have been plagued by this disease in which my wrist and hands muscles lose control and involuntarily swipe my credit card when I feel the slightest tinge of emotion. It started when I was sixteen when my dad handed me my first AmEx, and it’s no different today. (Except it’s my own money now. Yay.)

Last night, in the wake of missing someone close to me who moved across the country this past weekend, I went to my local mall, which I am pleased to say is a pretty upscale establishment. Intending to go just to grab a few things for my upcoming trip, I ended up spending way more than I ever needed or wanted to.

While I’m already talking about it, I dropped most of it at Sam Edelman on shoes, a few boutiques for new swimwear, Urban for a couple random things, Victoria’s Secret, Loft for work appropriate stuff (#practical), Francesca’s for a gameday dress and some cute tops, and another local stop in our mall.

Actually, as a whole, I got a ton of nice stuff. 2 tops, 2 dresses, 2 pairs of shoes (one absolutely gorgeous pair of caged heels from none other than Sam Edelman, one practical smoking slipper-esque pair), 6 pairs of underwear, 1 bralette, and 2 bikinis.

But damn it, I’m justifying myself now. Frankly, for my entire life, I have been using shopping to help me cope, which is fine to a point. And I still believe retail therapy is the best form of healing, but I think this is a wake up call to learn how to deal with emotions. I confess that when I feel sad, upset, angry, lost, hurt, confused, or, hell, even happy, I have a tendency to go swipe my credit card. Partly because I crave the newness of retail and the clothes, shoes, and bags it comes with, but mostly because that temporary satisfaction, especially when I’m already feeling down, is addicting. Is it worth ruining my bank account to feel that 5 minutes of happiness I get from unpacking new items? No. Probably not.

Coming from someone who is a very, very passionate shopper and clothes horse, it may seem shocking that I am a little nauseous at the amount of stuff I have accumulated and bought recently. I take that as a sign:  I need to learn how to reign it in, because although I’m sure I will wear all of the cute shit I got, I definitely do not need all of it, whereas I need to pay for gas, living expenses, and other boring but crucial costs.

So, here’s to learning how to spend like a responsible adult. No more clothes or shoes for a while, okay?




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