funny sayings

“A good story is like a miniskirt- long enough to cover the subject but short enough to keep some interest.”

“I’m sweating like a whore in church.”

“That girl looks like she could suck a golf ball out of a hose pipe.”

“Come hell or high water…”

“Nothing is open past midnight besides legs and bars.”

I kind of had the worst weekend, so I wanted to share some of these funny little sayings. Some of them are mine, some of them are my family’s, and some of them are my friends’.

Can you tell I learned the third one from my older brother’s old fraternity brothers? I can.

xx

instantblonde

 

 

we love you f

NOTE: I wrote this from about 11:30p p.m. on Wednesday, January 25th until I published it, but at that point it was 12:00 a.m. Of course. So this published the 26th, but all of these events happened on the 25th and that’s when I intended to hit publish.

Today was probably one of the saddest days of my life next to the day my mother ruined my childhood.

We put one of our dogs, F, down tonight. We found out literally yesterday that he had malignant cancer of the blood with several tumors on the spleen, liver, and most likely lungs when he collapsed randomly at the park. Thirty-six hours later and we were saying goodbye.

The collapse happened on Tuesday, and we put him down today, a Wednesday. It was so sudden.

I am heartbroken. My parents, even my father, who hates animals, are heartbroken. We loved him so much- he was the first dog my brother and I ever had. It’s not fair that he was just ten. It feels like a blink of an eye, but he actually, as my brother put it, “had a front row seat to watching us grow up.” He saw us go from middle school to high school to college. He saw both of our grandfathers pass. He watched my parents start a business, sell it, switch careers, and define their own relationship. He saw our first dates and our first cars and was there when we first came home smashed as sixteen year-olds. He greeted all of us every.single.time. we walked in the door and begged for food even at his heaviest. He was my mother’s favorite child and the best big brother and best friend to our other dog, V. She’s going to miss him so much too.

Only the good die young. And apparently that’s true for dogs too. Please send some good vibes my family’s way.

We love you, F. Thanks for being the best first dog ever.

xx

instantblonde

adulting = woat

Sorry for the radio silence. I’ve been working, getting back to class, and slipping into the routine. Oh, and I had a ~financial intervention~ for myself too.

I have been a shopper for as long as I can remember. I even wrote about shopping and its hold on me in 2015. Even then, when I had fewer bills and less expenses, I was struggling with spending because I wanted the emotional crutch of shopping, not necessarily the things I was buying.

To be honest, it’s two years later and I’m still learning that lesson. I think I’ve been a lot better about emotional shopping, but I still need to prioritize what I spend money on so I’m not depleting my bank account every time a bill is due.

My biggest lesson, though, is how fucking hard it is to pay back loans and extinguish financial mistakes. No amount seems that big until it’s what you actually owe. It sucks to be sat down and told, “you owe $__ by __/__/__.” I tried to pretend it wasn’t real for a few days, but now I’m just chipping away at it. Even though the increments by which I’m paying it off are ridiculously small, they’ll add up. Slow and steady wins the race.

However, I am making big strides too. With my new job this fall, I was able to supplement my income and reach a savings goal of mine. I also switched banks and got my first debit card and checking account. Those milestones, if you can call them that, are exciting and a relief all at once.

I just called reaching a savings goal exciting. Who am I?

Growing up sucks, everyone. Don’t do it.

xx

instantblonde

 

reads iv

This marks edition four of my little series, ‘reads’, in which I recap the best and brightest from all sorts of sites and publications. Catch edition one, two, and three while you’re at it.

Domaine’s 24 Things to Do on a Plane went straight to my bookmarks.

Here’s the apartment Jackie Kennedy briefly grew up in. It’s on Park Avenue in one of the best spots in the city. Although it’s restored, it’s not exactly as it was when the Bouviers lived there. The art of the current owner is amazing, though. Unfortunately, it wasn’t in Jackie, which still was an excellent movie.

I love The Wolf of Wall Street. I’ve seen it at least four times and until the ending where he (rightfully) falls from glory, am enthralled every time. If you like it too, maybe you’ll find this article about fact vs. fiction in the movie as cool as I did.

Elle’s sixty best home decorating ideas of all time. Iconic.

Thought Catalog is hit or miss for me. Sometimes I feel like they hire writers from the dredges of the Earth, and the grammar and spelling can be atrocious. But, occasionally, I find a gem, like I did like this piece, “If You Were Looking for God.” I’m not religious, but I found it interesting and beautifully written.

If you haven’t read the Bush sisters’ letter to the Obama daughters, I encourage you to. It is fun and older sisterly advice without being cliche. Two of, in my opinion, the most elegant families to ever grace the White House is a nice thing to see today when politics seems so ugly.

2017 goal: be light. 

xx

instantblonde

 

 

mlk day

I wrote this entire post, start to finish, and then remembered I wrote an MLK post last year too. Sure enough, I went and looked, and I used the exact same quote last year. How powerful it is that I am thinking about it year after year.

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear.

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’ve been thinking about those words all day. I really need to apply them more to my life. I was telling my mother the other day how I stopped disliking and being bothered by someone in my life because I just didn’t have the energy to care anymore. Antagonizing them was making me a worse person and not giving me any sort of satisfaction or benefit.

This year, I’m going to let more things go. But not just shallow things like that. I want to  just say goodbye to negativity. It’s too great a burden to bear.

xx

instantblonde

my picks from ‘songs that never fail to make white people beyond turnt’

Today, I saw a Tumblr post on Twitter called ‘songs that never fail to make white poeple beyond turnt.’ I couldn’t find a credit, or I’d link. It inspired me to cut down their list- I took out over a dozen songs- for the ones I like the most.

  • Don’t Stop Believing
  • Bohemian Rhapsody
  • Living on a Prayer
  • Come on Eileen
  • Sweet Caroline
  • Shot Through the Heart
  • Pour Some Sugar on Me
  • Sweet Home Alabama
  • Under Pressure
  • Ice Ice Baby
  • Wonderwall
  • A Thousand Miles
  • Teenage Dirtbag
  • Red Solo Cup
  • Mr. Brightside
  • Never Gonna Give You Up
  • Eye of the Tiger
  • Chicken Fried
  • American Pie
  • I Love Rock and Roll
  • Dancing Queen
  • Don’t You Want Me
  • We Will Rock You
  • Hey Jude
  • Piano Man
  • This Is How We Do It
  • Drops of Jupiter
  • Buddy Holly
  • All the Small Things
  • Stacy’s Mom
  • All Star
  • You Found Me
  • Bad Day
  • All The Small Things
  • Margaritaville
  • Sk8er Boi
  • Brown Eyed Girl
  • Iris
  • Hey There Delilah
  • Life Is A Highway
  • Breakeven
  • Viva La Vida
  • September
  • Since U Been Gone
  • Skinny Love
  • Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)
  • Bye Bye Bye
  • I’m Yours
  • My Girl
  • I’m A Believer
  • Soul Man
  • Walking on Sunshine
  • Before He Cheats
  • Build Me Up Buttercup
  • DONTTRUSTME

I took off Cotton Eyed Joe because of the horrible middle school dance memories. Ah, to be grinding for the first time again. Ironically, Hey Soul Sister was also removed for bad middle school throwbacks. A boy I used to hate- I say used to since I ran into him recently and we reconciled!- played it on the guitar and sang it at the talent show. The rest were oldies I didn’t know or songs I didn’t like, so this is the best of the best. Honestly, all are good and almost all are songs everyone knows the words to. Win win.

You’re welcome for the playlist.

xx

instantblonde

jackie

Over the weekend, I saw Jackie with my mother. It was a riveting hour and a half and I’m sure it’ll be one of my favorite movies of the year.

I’ve been interested in the Kennedys and their political involvement from the first time I learned about JFK in depth in an American history class in middle school. So, I was already interested in seeing it. Finding out Natalie Portman starred and reading reviews that it was unlike any other work on the iconic couple sold me even more.

It was intimate. That’s the first word that came to mind. The movie begins with an interview at the Hyannis Kennedy Compound and flashes back to the hours and days following President Kennedy’s assassination. Of course, it features all of the most well-known events, items, and people in that traumatic time- the pink Chanel suit, Clint Hill, the burial, the killing of Lee Harvey Oswald.

But it also takes an introspective, natural look into some of the First Lady’s more personal moments, like her relationships with LBJ and Bobby, interactions with her children, knowledge of her husband’s affairs, loss of faith, and distress over the fact that her husband didn’t die for civil rights or something else considered equally important. She grieves his existence and protection as much as she does his legacy, which she struggles with trying to cultivate through his burial, funeral, and post-mortem press throughout the movie.

The costuming and sets are amazing yet not overshadowing of Natalie’s performance, and the rest of the cast is tremendous. I was teary at a few points, like the contrast of JFK’s crisp flag against Jackie’s billowing black veil as his mourners circle around, and beyond inspired through the entire thing. Jackie’s grace, poise, and protection of her family’s reputation and image is awe-inducing.

Go see Jackie. You won’t regret it.

xx

instantblonde